17 September 2009

God spoke to me today

I am truly passionate about life, health, well-being, love, hugs, people, children, fitness, laughter, cooking, food, living..... there's more! Over the years, I realized that all that I am passionate about makes me... ME. Our lives should be just that, filled with the stuff that brings us joy and the stuff that we can share with others. When others get happy, I get happy. I THANK GOD for who I am!

I posted a wonderful quote on my Facebook today:

Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation. —Brian Tracy

I thank God everyday for who I am, my lovely children, all that I have, and all my friends and family. I am grateful ... completely. Even for the times in my life when stuff was not good because as I came out of it, I realized that God brought me through, and made me even stronger and more grateful in the end. It's so hard when times are rough to see clearly ... or to hear clearly, and this is where I am at right this very moment.... or perhaps I should say, where I was at earlier today.

I accept that a life filled with challenges is purely LIFE... real life. We have to accept the challenge to deal with it and make the best of it, no matter what!! Not sit around and complain about it. I will admit before continuing with this very revealing blog that I don't go to church on a regular basis. In my mind (and my heart), I have a terrific relationship with God because I believe God is with me every single moment ... and with my children keeping them safe. So in my mind, I believe God is ok with the fact that I am not in church...perhaps :). I will admit here TODAY that I don't open my Bible as much as I should. I am such an advocate of inspirational quotes and stories and I need to get my Bible out more often because when you can't find what you need ... it's in the Bible.

The following part of my blog today is a letter I sent to a Facebook friend of mine TODAY. It was typed very fast and so please excuse the fact that it's a bit haphazard.

Hi !--- we are FB friends.. for some time now. It's amazing how you never know when a FB friend (at times) is going to help you in some kind of way...unexpectedly. I saw your blog on Swine Flu and I also read your blog from Tuesday about Patrick Swayze. From there, I was just wondering if you "blogged" everyday so I dropped down to see if the next blog was also from this week and I noticed it was from August 10th, "I am blessed." Your opening sentence/question about whether God is real immediately sparked my interest.

When I read what you were going through, I immediately could relate to all you were saying. Without going into "the" long story, my life is about the same right now. Last year I was laid off from my job, was happy, decided to start a business, my son got a strange eye condition, stuff was delayed, I begged my mother to come and help me with the children so I could work... she agreed... this all happened by November 2008. She was to come in January, it passed, she did not come, February passed, she did not come, then my father (my parents are divorced) SENT me an email saying, "your mother is not coming." Just like that.

She never called me. I wrote to her to ask why, and called her, and she thereafter denied that she committed to come. I was devastated. Somehow from there the entire family blames me for my situation. I wanted my mother here to help with my young children (I am divorced) so I could feel good about who is taking care of them, have peace of mind. But the part of the story that kills me is how she agreed, we spoke dozens of times, she even came for a couple days in Nov and Dec and then could deny that she was going to come.

It's been so hard for me to let it go and focus. I truly needed the help, and still do now more than ever. I can't afford to pay anyone to take care of my children. My son still goes to doctors every few weeks, gets med daily (injections once a week). My children are my world. My business is not up to speed.
So today, before I read your blog, I was just here saying to myself, "How do I do this? How can I make this work?" I talk to God every day, many, many times a day. I pray and I am thankful for so much in my life. Today, I just felt like the ground is going to fall out from under me. So I see in that blog that you went and got your Bible.

I have to admit, I had to remember where my MANY Bibles were. They are in such good condition because I don't touch them. Three of them were all together. One was never even taken out of the box/cellophane. And next it was the Bible my mother gave me MANY years ago (I think when I went to college so 26 yrs ago)... an absolutely beautiful Oxford Scofield Bible-- pocket edition - gorgeous. It too, looks new, except for the box. The irony of the whole thing??? My mother who was brought up in the church .... decided a few years ago that she does NOT believe in God. She laughs at all of us who do.

So now, I have to think that as I have been begging God to tell me something.... perhaps he just did .... that I need to LET GO about my mother once and for all. She is my mother, who I love so dearly (and have not spoken to at all since March this year - she NEVER calls me or her grandchildren). But she does not believe in God, and I do. I believe so much because I got this far, healthy and happy with my children, even though I don't know where I am going.

One last mention. So I just opened the bible to any page, and landed on Proverbs 17. I got a lot of messages.....
Thank you so much for being my FB friend, and thank you for your blog of August 10th. I hope you are doing well. I am here for you if you ever want to share anything with me.

Have a beautiful blessed day!

So there it is. I went from feeling sad to instantly feeling uplifted and truly, God spoke to me today. Some days, I get on Facebook, and I just wander around, much like some people do when they go to the mall not really knowing if they want to buy something. Window Shopping! I do Facebook Shopping! I love it because I get some great deals! Great inspiration for free! And so it happened that I noticed Lorrie's post and happened onto her blog. God most definitely directed me there.

Earlier this year when the whole situation happened with my mother, I was devastated and I desperately sought for composure, peace and answers because somehow, someway, something crazy happened. I had asked for help because it is said when you need help, ASK FOR IT. I needed my mother to come here and help me. But when you read my letter above, perhaps I did not need that after all. It was not a peaceful time when it happened. It had gotten so noisy and so dense that I could not breathe but I wanted to shout so long and hard until someone would hear me. Up until this morning, I was still trying to shout (silently through God) and I now realize, I don't need to shout anymore. Three different people helped me out this year .....almost instantaneously... with their wisdom -- just with a few chit-chats on the phone and over email -- imagine that! I know I thanked God for them, but perhaps not enough at that time.

Being able to deal with life's ups and downs is truly NOT so easy. I was told to be silent and listen and God would speak to me, and trust in God, and God will see you through, and.. and... your head starts spinning with all the great advice. From one moment to the next you think, "Ok... Good! I'll do this! I'll do that....Ok..." Then you are wondering, "ok... what now?"

Right now, I know, I will keep my Bible next to me, another HUGE source of inspiration, guidance, comfort....

A few people helped me, and I want to help others... perhaps this SHARE... this revelation will help someone else. For quite a while, I was keeping my story to myself, but TODAY, God told me to pass along my story.

1 comment:

Elaine said...

Wow Jacquie,

I am in tears reading this. You know, I was telling Sita yesterday how YOU are the one who thru your daily FB postings have inspired me to get myself started on a wellness path. You are so positive, full of energy, wisdom and upbeat. I was also asking her how you were doing, I know you were without a job for sometime now and that I truly hoped you were well financially for your sake and that of your precious children. Especially since you are doing what you love. I prayed for you last night hoping you are at a place where your 'gifts' are truly rewarded. For all I know you should be having your own Book, talkshow, fitness center, etc, etc.

Reading this makes me feel closer to you, it makes you more human too. I see you as someone more like all of us if not better. Even though you've had your share of problems on a daily basis you never complain or post anything negative. That is priceless and motivates me and I am sure many many people.
I am sorry to hear about your Mom, it must be really hurtful for you and your kids. I must say I am truly blessed to have my Mom around (even though I never met or know about my paternal grandma) She is all I need, and never ever hesitates to give me or Sita a helping hand with our daughters. Just like you, I think who better than her to watch our babies.
I also believe in God, I was raised ultra-Catholic and just like you I seldom go to Church but one thing I never ever fail to do is my prayers at night or just plain daily talk with him. It is so rooted in me that even when I forget because I am too tired, I usually get in the middle of the night and pray. I believe everything happens for a reason, even if negative at the beginning but with time it has a positive outcome. God is there , we just have to listen....!
Thanks for sharing your story, but mostly for your fervent believe in God and in everything positive.