After track practice last night, while we were driving home, I decided to have a lightminded conversation with my son about divorce and dating. Though it's been 2 years since his father and I divorced, he still holds on to some sort of hope (there goes that word again) that we would reevaluate the situation and get back together. That will never happen but I understand how very important it is for me to acknowledge my son's true feelings. In between I take opportunities to explain to him why some relationships don't work and how truly prevalent situations like ours are even in our direct social circles. There are in fact other children he knows with divorced parents.
My intent was to spark some understanding in Miles, but also to create laughter (I am always trying to do this). Our discussion went from divorce statistics, to the fact that his cousin's parents were getting divorce (huge surprise to me), and just some mentions that people sometimes come to realize they made a bad decision and that it's better to walk away than be miserable. We did speak about how important it is to try to make a relationship work, and he asked me if his father and I tried, and I said, "of course."
Stay with me here. I thought it would help to explain the concept of the "Law of Attraction" to Miles so that he could understand why people "like" each other in the first place, and then, why they stop "liking" each other. At first, you have these qualities and a personality that captures someone's attention ..... Long and short of it, his response was, "I don't want a girlfriend." Good answer based on the fact that he is only 10 years old. I told him that makes sense and he should wait a few years.
A great way to paint a picture to Miles was to shed light on relationships between men and women, and how it is similar to the relationship he has with his sister. I told him, "some days you truly love each other, play well together, you have her back, and other days, you want her gone!" When he was younger, he would come to me with the most serious and desperate look on his face to say, "Mommy, please, can you put her back in your tummy!" Trust me, there were many times I had wished I could send my EX back to his mother's stomach!
Miles was now showing signs of understanding (I think) and it was comforting since I truly want him to let go of wanting and hoping for a reconciliation between his father and I. The discussion was all over the place because he had many wonderful 10 year old inspired questions to ask and I was happy to answer them.
We drifted back to the "Law of Attraction," and I said to him, "listen don't be surprised when you see me looking extra gorgeous, smiling lots and lots because it means a lot of people are going to be interested in why I am so happy. When you show so much happiness, you attract people. I may just attract a nice guy! What do you think?"
His response was priceless, he said, "NO WAY! No one is going to date you with that big mole on your face!" I was laughing so hard and I quickly grabbed my phone to call my friend Rosa because I had to tell someone and I knew she would find it hilarious..... However, he pleaded that I not share everything that he says (that I think is amazingly funny) with my friends, and so I did not call her.
Let me just point out that my mole is not big, and it is actually quite beautiful like that of Cindy Crawford and Elizabeth Taylor!
I made Miles aware that many people who divorce seek to remarry again because truthfully people enjoy companionship. Well this fact collected the best response yet from my son! He said very boldly, "Nooooooo way! You will stay divorced and single forever!!!!!!!"